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Crystal Shawanda
August 15, 2009
There are several overriding themes in my life that keep me sane.
One: My mother never taught me I’m different, so I don’t believe people are different. We’re so much more the same than different.
Two: Wait for the good to come. Never lose hope.
Three: Music is my lifeline to my family, my world, and my soul. It is my prayer.
Four: I’m learning to be strong enough to share myself, to talk about what hurts.
Shawanda means “Dawn of a New Day.” Sometimes on the rez, a new day is what we needed. Music gave me that. I sing music to free myself. My name and my dream are the same.
I remember when I almost lost my dream. I had gradually lost my confidence. I woke up one day and realized that I used to lose myself in my music while I sang. I had stopped allowing the music to heal me. I had stopped being in it. I was losing what had saved me. I was smothering my dream. So, I started singing my songs over and over again and figuring out what was me. What did I feel strongly enough to lose myself in? That was my pathway to myself. It was a scary thing to live through. But I recovered the dream, and found the road back to who I was.
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Saturday, August 15, 2009
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